I've had the opportunity to work alongside teachers in ten different schools across the state of Washington prior to launching my private practice. The one thing that has remained true among the hundreds of teachers I've met; they want your child to be successful in the classroom. This does not mean their definition of success matches yours. Many times it does not. And that's ok.
I bring this up right now as I know Fall Conferences are not too far off. This can sometimes be an "enlightening" moment for some families. LOL! And for other families, you've already had a phone call, email or note home from your child's teacher. So preparing to go into conferences can bring up some real Mama Bear or Papa Bear feelings because it can be uncomfortable to hear that your child is struggling. As hard as it may be, lean into what the teacher is sharing with an open heart.
Ask the question, "what can I do as a parent, to best help my child so that when my child is at school, he/she can be the best version of himself/herself?" Listen to the teacher's response without trying to come up with a response. Just listen. Take it in. Write it down if needed.
Then, choose one piece to focus on for the next two weeks. Commit to yourself, your child's teacher and your child that it will be a focus of change. Check in with the teacher after that two weeks.
Listen for these ideas. Has their been a positive change? Is there still more that can be done? Can we move on to the next focus of change?
The reality is most teachers want to have a steady flow of communication with their students' families. This may come in the form of a weekly email, for some a daily email or note back and forth from home. What is not possible is for your child's teacher to respond to your messages during their teaching time. I've seen parents go off on a tirade toward a teacher who did not respond to over twenty messages during their teaching time during one morning. This behavior is disrespectful toward the professional who will spend potentially 180 days with that student. I've also been witness to families completely ignoring all attempts at connection from their child's teacher. This is a big red flag for school counselors if over the course of time a student is struggling and the family is not responding to multiple types of reach out. Finding a balance of connecting with your child's teacher starts with asking the teacher, what would be a reasonable frequency considering the situation? Offer your ideas and be willing to compromise.
I could share more on this topic, but I will end with the most important tip I have for partnering with your child's teacher.
This concept comes from neuroscience. Scientists have determined that our brains are NOT fully developed until we are twenty-five years old. Why am I sharing this, you ask? Well, I have observed families adamantly believing (without fact checking with an adult) every word that came out of their child's mouth about their school day. Taking those words as gold and confronting their child's teacher without offering an opportunity for the adult to share their fully developed brain's observation.
Once I had some parents say to me as their child's school counselor, "My child never lies. Ever. We believe everything he says." The fact was, the child was lying about a lot of really damaging things. This is such a dysfunctional belief. And believe me, it damaged that kid's relationships with his peers and his teacher. So, the moral of the story, fact check with the adult. Always.
When our kids see that we are partnering with their teachers, amazing things can happen for our kids!
Jenna Linerud, LCSW, LICSW, ESA School Social Worker
Mother to Aidan (22) and Ethan (18) neither of them have fully developed brains yet!